How often do you experience your baby sleeping soundly in your arms, but the minute you try to lay them down, it’s game over? You are tired and worn out by this point, but what else can you do? Babies need sleep, and you need a break, right? What are you supposed to do? Should you let them cry?
By three to four months of age, babies are beginning to be capable of learning how to self-soothe and may start to develop more stable sleep patterns. This is a good time to try and help your baby learn to go to sleep on their own and self-soothe. If you wait until they are closer to eight to nine months, you may be entering a time frame of separation anxiety, as well as the ability to crawl/stand, making it more difficult for both of you. How do you do this without a lot of tears (for both of you)? Here are a few tips that may help.
- Begin with a very consistent bedtime routine
- From early on, try to begin a bedtime routine with your baby. Have this be a calming, quiet time (preferably about an hour) for you and your baby. Lights should be low. Try to have the same routine each night. For example feeding, and bath time (many suggest top-off feeding), snuggling, story, singing, and as drowsy, laying them down.
- Set regular sleep times that seem to be consistent with their schedule
- By observing your child, you may notice they often tend to follow the same pattern around the same time of day. Try to see what that is, and follow it as you can. This helps to avoid an overtired or over-hungry state. Babies tend to need to eat about every three hours during the day ( this of course can vary from 2-4 hours depending on your child). By getting more feeding in regularly they tend to need less overnight.
- Put them down in their bed while they are drowsy, but not fully awake
- After they are fed and drowsy, lay them down. This may take some work, but it will be helpful. ( The different methods will be listed below)
- Recognize their signs of tiredness (avoid overtired)
- Signs of tiredness may include but are not limited to yawning, rubbing their eyes/ears, fussing, and looking away from you. Each child has their signs.
- Meet their needs before becoming overly upset
- Especially before bedtime, try to meet the hunger/wet diaper/ snuggle needs before they get too worked up. Once a baby is highly fussy, it may be difficult to calm them, thus making it harder for them to self-soothe.
- If they awaken, do not immediately go to them
- Babies may move around frequently and make little noises, but that does not mean you have to get them right away. Allow them time to settle themselves so you do not build an expectancy of you coming with every sound.
- Try to meet nighttime needs without picking them up if possible
- If you feel your child just may need a diaper change or a bit of reassurance, try to do this in their bed, without picking them up…leaving the lights as low as possible.
- Be sure they are warm enough to sleep, but not too warm
- We all wake up if we are too warm or cool. Try to dress your baby appropriately without overheating them. Sleep sacks can be a good alternative when they have outgrown their swaddle. Keep blankets out of beds for safety.
- Try to change the habit of feeding your baby to sleep
- If your baby is in the habit of always falling asleep while feeding, you will want to try and change that. Wake them slightly after they have eaten, so they can put themselves to sleep without eating. Otherwise, when they awaken at night, they become accustomed to needing a feeding to go back to sleep.
- Try to let them self-soothe without a pacifier
- If you do not want to be searching for pacifiers, you will want to have them try to fall asleep without them.
- Use some type of white noise (white noise machine or fan) to help drown out sounds that may encourage your baby to wake up (such as your voice, the TV, the shower, etc.).
What are the different methods (also known as sleep training) of having your baby put themselves to sleep? You need to decide which one (if any) is right for your family, and then be consistent with it. You will have up and down days, no matter what you choose. Just remember you are helping your child to be autonomous and helping them sleep better, which ultimately helps their development. They are as follows:
- The Cry It Out Method
- This method is where you go through all your nighttime routines, kiss the baby goodnight, and lay the baby down. You then let your baby cry until they self-soothe and go to sleep. This is hard for many parents to do. It is said to be the fastest way to sleep train, but it also has to be something a parent is comfortable with.
- The Ferber Method
- This method is a more gradual version of Cry It Out in which you would return every time your baby cries, and pat/help soothe them (not pick up) until they are calm. After a few nights then you would lengthen the time you would return when they start fussing (say 2 min). After a few days with that time, you would lengthen more, and so on and so forth, until the baby is putting themselves to sleep without you at all. If you use this method, you would have to be comfortable with the baby crying until your appointed time to return.
- The Check and Console Method
- This method is where you lay the baby down after a nighttime routine and return at set intervals (say 2 min), whether the baby is crying or not. You would gradually lengthen the time to maybe about 15 minutes until the baby is asleep. This method may take longer, and you have to see if your return when they are not fussing causes your baby to be more excited, thus making it harder to fall asleep.
- The Fading Method
- The fading method starts with the same nighttime routine and then has you as a parent staying visible to your baby until they are asleep (also known as the chair method). You start by sitting closer to their bed. If they cry/fuss you just use soothing words to console them-not touching them. As they get used to this, you gradually move your chair farther and farther away from their bed, until you would be outside of their room.
- The “No More Tears” Method
- This method seems to be a combination of several. It relies heavily on the nighttime routine and the babies’ cues to sleep. In this method, you would either leave the room entirely, and return every time the child fusses to calm them (regardless of how long you had been gone), or a variation of the Fade, where you are physically present and when they fuss you would physically touch them to help calm them (not just reassuring words) until they are asleep.
Keep in mind there is no “right way” to sleep-train your child. Of course, we want our children to be autonomous and have the best development possible, but always consider what is best for you and your family. This is a personal decision and you have to be comfortable with it. Everyone will have their viewpoint and thoughts, but you have to make the decision that is right for you. We hope that this has helped you. If you find yourself with further questions or are looking for other resources, visit us at vkearlylearning.com and we would be more than happy to assist you in any way we possibly can.
